Panic Is Reset as a Great New Norm

Paradigm Shift

The changing perspective on everything from anxiety to mortal horror is a profound relief to many who had become increasingly concerned about departing from accuracy and common sense when reporting figures or outlining rationales.

Reliable Orthodoxy

Kate Milne from Adelaide initially had reservations about the new development: “I was always told that panic is the worst thing of all, but these people must be trustworthy. I coudn’t imagine how anything else might be relevant to their attainment or preservation of status.”

Information Warfare

“But I really don’t feel that’s enough.” He continued. “We should clamp down harder by hitting in them in ways that seriously hurt. Even with fact-checking everywhere the lunacy remains out of control.”

Handling Hesitance

Pfizer CEO Albert Bourla outlined the breakthrough in his industry that Schwab triggered: “Having panic as the chief objective makes it obvious why doubtfully efficacious gene therapy is in fact ideal.”

The Numbers

Popular physicist Neil deGrasse Tyson was eager to contribute a range of insights on pandemic management. “Let’s consider why forced vaccination is necessary,” he began. “The central concept to grasp is the Goldilocks principle and it’s really easy to understand.”

Broad Perspective

“This could even be adjusted higher to account for the cumulative effect of slowing transmission between individuals, which relates to the vanishing hope of exterminating all variants in human and animal reservoirs globally.”

Moral Dimensions

“Ultimately, it’s all about ethics — another domain subject to my informed estimation — which is best elucidated in this context with regard to those poor souls who are devoutly pro-vax, yet radically immunocompromised.”

Inspired Graduate

“Neil De Grasse Tyson has always been a hero of mine,” said Dean Smith, taking time out from his myocarditis recovery treatment to be interviewed.

Artful Science

“There’s a huge amount of cutting-edge science involved, but ultimately and paradoxically it all comes down to the fine art of applying chaotic distress through information that distracts and confuses people.”

Political Briars

While most observers remain elated after the momentous achievement of Schwab, some expressed concern that officially embracing panic could have potential to fuel conspiracy theories.

Seized Occasion

Australia’s Leader of the Opposition, Anthony Albanese, rejected the plea from Andrews as “absurdly nuanced” and “appallingly craven.”

Logistical Concerns

Former Prime Minister, Kevin Rudd, has also been outspoken on related practical issues, recently tweeting: “Once we take down Newscorp we have to deal with the hordes of lethal zombies it brainwashed into existence out of what used to be manageable fascists.”

Glorious Future

Although it is still very early days, a majority of polled experts agree that present enthusiasm for Schwab’s law is bound to persist though coming millennia.

Reimagining Freedom

Life in purely virtual realms won’t necessarily be uninterrupted bliss, however.

Bottom Line

While it remains to be seen if the future of humanity will be one of permanent and universal panic, this does look assured for the physical world in light of current trends.

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